Positive Self-Image

DEVELOPING A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE

The following is an interview conducted by Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, with Nancy Wurlitzer, AICI, CIP, owner of Image Management Services, on the importance of a positive self image.

Jill Bremer: Tell us about your business, Nancy.

Nancy Wurlitzer: In my business, I work on the inner image and the outer image as well as the image of your business. I call my self-esteem workshops "Self Esteem, Self Image and Self Worth" because the three are all linked together.

J. B.: How do you define the term "self image"?

N.W.: Self image is who you think you are. It's put together from how others have seen and treated you and from the conclusion you drew as you compared yourself to others. That self image is so strong that you'll spend the rest of your life validating it.

J.B.: What do you think are the biggest obstacles we face in trying to develop a healthy self image?

N.W.: Well, I think the media is our enemy, because the image they portray on TV and in magazines is of the slim person. So the biggest problem people face with their self image is probably their body shape. Overweight, short, tall, bald, large nose, whatever it is, it's compared to what they see on TV. And the media also promotes diets and exercise equipment, miracle creams and miracle drinks and people start comparing themselves to the people they see on TV. They start listening to the little inner voice that tells them "You could look like that, if you lost 50 pounds."

J.B.: What else besides the media robs us of our self image?

N.W.: The other culprit is the way you were brought up. A critical element is the environment you grew up in. Was it an extremely negative environment or a nurturing environment? That can affect you for the rest of your life.

J.B.: I've heard people say that they can still hear their mother's words echoing in their heads about their weight or lack of motivation. That becomes an inner voice for them that never leaves. Nancy, what steps can we take to ensure that we develop or maintain a healthy self image? Is there something we can do on a daily or periodic basis?

N.W.: I like to say that self image is a combination of self confidence and self respect. When you start believing that you are competent to cope with life's challenges and worthy of happiness, then you can work on the aspects of your life that need attention.

J.B.: What does high self esteem" look like"?

N.W.: People with high self esteem exude confidence - in their posture, their voice and so on. They also have the ability to solve problems. They're not ones to sit around and worry, they don't allow themselves to have a negative attitude. They set about immediately to find a solution to the problem. They also have the ability to confront or eliminate things that frighten them, for instance, returning to school to further their education. People with healthy self esteem are also good at developing a support system, a group of people who help each other survive the rough times.

J.B.: How would you describe low self esteem?

N.W.: People with low self esteem communicate a lack of confidence through their slumped posture, lack of direct eye contact, staying off by themselves. They may have been beaten down verbally earlier in life by someone who told them they'd never amount to anything. They may have had too many things go wrong in their life and they've just given up. They start to listen to and believe their negative inner thoughts. They don't trust their ability to make decisions. And those who can't cope at all often fall into depression. Many people become critical of others. I find this quite a bit in the business world. I often hear of a boss or supervisor that is extremely critical, always complaining, never complimenting. Very often, the boss is the one with low self esteem.

J.B..: What is the best way to deal with a difficult boss and maintain your own sense of self esteem?

N.W.: You need to talk with them in a non-confrontational way. Ask to speak with them and explain gently how they've become critical on a continual basis. Tell them you realize it's important to do the work in the way the boss wants it done, but that when people only hear criticism and no positive feedback, it impacts the morale of everyone in the office. People need to know they're appreciated. They need to be told when they do something right as well as when they do something wrong. Ask if they could be more communicative with what people are doing right in the office. Be honest, open and calm when you talk with them and let them know how their criticism makes you feel.

J.B..: What can be done in the business environment to spot and help those employees who may be suffering from low self esteem?

N.W.: Most likely it will be addressed by the human resources department of a company. You can often spot workers who have a poor self image by their physical appearance. They "let themselves go" and start to dress sloppily. Their grooming habits may suffer. And that's where I come in. I am often called in as an outside consultant to help these employees with their self image. I'll first meet with their manager and discuss what they feel might be wrong with the employees and how I can assist. I have a number of different workshops that might help. For example, a group workshop on business wardrobe can address the parameters of casual dressing. And the employee with low self esteem will be able to identify how their way of dressing is too sloppy. I can address the particular concerns in this way without pointing any fingers. I also offer private consultations with individuals to help them with their self-image "makeover".

J.B.: So do you feel that many self image problems can be fixed by working from the outside in, that by changing the outer shell you can actually change how you feel about yourself inside?

N.W.: Yes, the two really work hand in hand.

J.B.: Nancy, are there any last thoughts you'd like to leave with us?

N.W.: I'd like to leave you with a favorite quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Nancy Wurlitzer, AICI, is the owner of Image Management Services in East Dennis, Cape Cod, MA and presents workshops on personal and professional development, self esteem and creating balance in your life. She can be reached at 508-385-4299 or at nwurl@capecod.net