The point of etiquette is not to impress people
but to make them feel at ease, says Jill Bremer, a certified
image consultant with Bremer Communications, an etiquette
consulting firm in Oak Park, Ill. And how you put people at ease
depends on the situation.
"In life, we all have a variety of roles," she
says. "We play different parts at different times. These
different parts call for different costumes and scripts. How you
speak, act and dress depend on which role you're playing. [They]
also depend on the setting and, especially, your audience."
In other words, you would dress and act
differently for dinner at a four-star restaurant with a
potential client than you would on a rooftop with your workers.
In either scenario, your attention to detail could determine
whether your "audience"—a potential client or employee—applauds
your performance.
Practicing proper etiquette won't win you any
awards, but it will give you an edge among clients, colleagues,
employees and others who could affect your company's bottom
line. In short, manners matter. The following primer on business
etiquette aims to help you and your company set the stage for
success.
Scene: the
business lunch
Role: the hospitable host
Meeting people outside your usual business
environment enables you to establish a rapport that can lead to
stronger working relationships, says Gloria Petersen, founder of
Global Protocol Inc., a professional development company in
Chicago.
It's an opportunity to learn how others think,
to know the personalities behind the news in your industry and,
over time, to turn contacts into loyal customers, Petersen
explains.
If your table manners are weak, you could end
up with egg on your face—literally and figuratively. But if you
know the proper protocol of restaurant entertaining, you will
radiate confidence, create a positive impression, and gain and
keep clients.
"If you're the one who extends the invitation,
it's your responsibility to choose the restaurant," Petersen
states. "The restaurant should be easy for your client to get to
and accommodate any dietary restrictions or preferences your
client may have."
Bremer suggests making a few restaurant
suggestions and allowing the client to select among them. Be
familiar with the restaurants' atmospheres and menus to avoid
unpleasant surprises. If a restaurant accepts reservations, be
sure to make them. On the day of your lunch, call your client in
the morning and confirm the time and place.
Defer to your client about smoking. If the
client smokes and you don't, Bremer believes you should sit in
the smoking section if you can tolerate it. If you smoke but the
client doesn't, request a nonsmoking table. Smokers should wait
until a meal's completion and ask permission from others at the
table before lighting up.
Before ordering, your client may ask you for
some recommendations. By doing this, "They're trying to get a
sense of the price range with which you're comfortable,"
Petersen explains. When your server takes orders, allow the
client to go first.
Petersen believes mealtime is more about
bonding than business. "Unless your client brings it up first,
you should wait until the entrees are removed and dessert and
coffee have been offered before you discuss business,"
she advises.
If the client seems eager to discuss business
sooner, do so. But if the discussion will require you to litter
the table with folders and papers, suggest waiting.
Meanwhile, focus on getting to know your
client, but avoid subjects that are too personal. Sports,
movies, literature, travel and current events that won't incite
political debates are appropriate topics of conversation.
Regardless of rank or gender, whoever extended
the invitation to lunch or dinner pays.
"This causes more confusion than you might
think, especially if you're a woman dealing with an older male
client," Petersen explains. "He may be following a more
traditional code of ethics. But this is a business meeting, not
a date. And if a woman is denied her responsibility of picking
up the check, she surrenders some control."
If the check accidentally is given to a
client, inform him or her that the meal is your company's treat.
Petersen says: "You should never say, ‘It's my treat.' It's much
easier for a person to accept a free meal from a company than
from [a person]."
To avoid confusion, Bremer suggests you arrive
10 minutes before your reservation, find out who your server
will be, and give him or her your credit card. Or simply inform
your server the bill should come to you.
Scene: the
business lunch
Role: the gracious guest
As a guest, how you dress for a business lunch
depends on whom and where you are meeting.
When Rob McNamara left his private law
practice to take over his father's Milwaukee-based roofing
business, F.J.A. Christiansen Roofing Co. Inc., he suddenly had
a wider range of choices in work attire.
"Being an attorney was strictly a suit-and-tie
affair," McNamara says. "But in the roofing business, your dress
and demeanor depend more on the context."
In any context, underdressing may project
sloppiness, disrespect and a lack of professionalism and
overdressing may suggest you're prideful or "not hands-on
enough," McNamara warns. Work boots or wingtips: That is the
question.
Petersen believes your host's restaurant
choice will help you decide how to dress. If you're still
unsure, call the restaurant and ask about appropriate attire.
Getting dirty may be the nature of your
business, and a "dirty" contractor is a stereotype many
potential clients and business associates hold. But try not to
perpetuate this stereotype.
"If you're coming directly from a job site,
bring a change of shoes in the car," Petersen advises. "You also
could keep a sport coat in the car to ‘dress up' your
appearance."
If you recently visited a job site, scrub your
hands before lunch and other meetings by using a nailbrush if
necessary.
"You don't want to be shaking hands or passing
the bread basket with dirty nails," Petersen adds.
Once you are seated, place your napkin in your
lap. If you must leave the table during a meal, place your
napkin on your chair, which signifies to your server you're not
done eating.
When your server arrives for your drink order,
your host may ask if you'd like a cocktail. For a typical
lunchtime meeting, Petersen believes alcohol is inappropriate
because you likely will return to work. In addition to calling
your work ethics into question, ordering a drink in the middle
of a day and returning to work with alcohol on your breath could
offend or even endanger workers, particularly at a job site. For
an after-work engagement, ordering a drink is acceptable if your
host offers, but limit yourself to two.
Scan the menu for something easy to eat so you
can carry on a conversation throughout the meal. "Don't order
anything too crunchy or messy, and avoid food that you eat with
your hands, such as fried chicken," Bremer suggests.
In a formal table setting, start by using the
utensils furthest from your plate and work your way in as the
meal progresses. For example, the small fork furthest to the
left of your plate is used for the salad course; the larger fork
closest to your plate is for the main course. You may find a
soupspoon to the far right of your plate with a teaspoon to its
left followed by a knife. Sometimes, a fork and spoon are placed
horizontally above your plate; reserve these for dessert and
coffee. Your bread plate goes to the left above your plate; your
drinking glasses go to the right.
"At the conclusion of a meal, imagine your
dinner plate as a clock and place your fork and knife in the
4:20 position," Bremer explains. (This would be the appropriate
time to discuss business.) At the meal's completion, your
loosely folded napkin goes to the left of your plate.
Don't undermine your host's generosity by
offering to split the check or pay for the tip.
"And don't ask to have your food packaged to
take home," Petersen adds. "You didn't pay for it, so you really
have no business taking it with you."
A final step is following up by writing a
handwritten note or e-mail thanking your host. This final step
to a business lunch will take you five minutes but will create a
lasting impression because others often overlook it.
Scene:
first-time encounter
Setting: a client's turf
Although the goal of etiquette isn't to
impress, first impressions certainly can help or hinder
business. Something as simple as an introductory handshake can
set the tone for an entire working relationship. Just ask NRCA
Vice President Lisa Sprick, vice president of Sprick Roofing Co.
Inc., Corvallis, Ore. When a man shakes Sprick's hand, she often
feels as though she's been offered a dead guppy instead of a
greeting.
"I can't stand a wimpy handshake," she says.
"I think a lot of men are raised to be gentle with women, so
they're afraid to give a firm handshake. But right away, a limp
handshake sends a message that they perceive me as weak, and
that perception may spill over into our business dealings."
Your overall appearance sends signals, as
well.
"When people meet you, they're looking for
visual reassurances that you're the right contractor for the
job," Petersen says. "Clean hands and hair, tidy clothes and
overall good grooming are visual reassurances that put people at
ease."
Bremer puts it more succinctly, "People notice
shoes; people notice hands; people notice teeth."
Just as you would for a lunch meeting, scrub
your hands, clean your nails thoroughly and have a clean pair of
loafers to slip on before entering a client's home or office. If
you drive a company vehicle, it, too, should be clean.
Although appearance is important, "I think
people are much more impressed with what you know than what you
wear," says Jamie McAdam, vice president of F.J. Dahill Co.
Inc., New Haven, Conn. "People skills are important in our
field. You need to be able to explain things to people at their
level—an average homeowner doesn't know a lot about roofing.
It's your job to explain things in terms they can understand."
It's also your job to listen.
"Find out what the problem is and address that
specific problem; don't try to sell them something else they
don't need," McAdam adds. "Offer solutions, and come through in
a timely fashion. And don't make promises you can't keep."
Scene:
first-time encounter
Setting: your turf
The telephone often is a client's first link
to your company, so your receptionist and outgoing voice-mail
message should sound polished, polite and professional.
"Clients will make up their minds about you
based on that first telephone call," McAdam notes. "You should
have a speedy turnaround time—I'd say no more than 24 hours when
returning a call. If you don't return calls promptly, people's
perceptions of you change for the worse."
When you're expecting visitors at the office,
you take on the role of "stage manager." Be mindful of
backgrounds and props. Provide a clean and inviting reception
area with comfortable chairs and perhaps some company literature
or industry-related reading material. Guests shouldn't be
subjected to long waits, especially if they're customers. But if
a delay is unavoidable, make sure coffee or water is offered.
As host, it's your duty to initiate a
handshake as a gesture of welcome. You also should shake hands
as you bid farewell. Always stand up to shake hands.
In general, formal introductions are based on
rank; you begin the introduction by saying the highest-ranking
person's name first: "Ms. Senior Executive, I'd like to
introduce Mr. Junior Executive." However, clients and customers
outrank every employee in your organization.
If you're holding a meeting, provide a written
agenda—using e-mail is fine—in advance. "Be specific as to what
you're discussing so people can be prepared," Petersen says.
"Otherwise, you're wasting your time and theirs."
A meeting facilitator should make sure a
meeting starts and ends on time. The longest you should wait for
any stragglers is 10 minutes. Don't interrupt the meeting to
brief latecomers about what they have missed. They can be
briefed afterward.
"Invite input, and thank people for their
contributions and ideas even if you don't agree with them,"
Petersen advises.
Keep things moving. If someone is monopolizing
the conversation, it may be necessary to interrupt. Even
blowhards need to pause for breath, and that's your opportunity
to move in with what Petersen calls a "slider," such as "I'd
like to add ... " or "That's a good point; however ... ."
Your role
Your role as diplomat extends beyond the
meeting room into every setting in the business world, including
business lunches and sales presentations.
"Diplomacy is difficult to master," Petersen
says. "But it's the key to making other people comfortable
around you."
And putting people at ease is, after all, the
primary purpose of etiquette.
Dawn Klingensmith is a free-lance writer
based in Chicago.
