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Traditionally on Thanksgiving Day the mouth's primary responsibility is the ingestion of food, but that's not its only job.

It also has to facilitate conversation with old friends, new acquaintances and with relatives, some of whom we seldom see by circumstance or by choice. Are you ready for today's social responsibilities?

Some people are always prepared to engage in good conversation, but for many people, social discourse is awkward, or even intimidating, so I've consulted a couple of communication coaches.

Cyndi Maxey and Jill Bremer make their living teaching people how to improve the way they interact with other people, mostly so people will fare better in the workplace. But better social skills are helpful everywhere.

Tips for getting ahead

They collaborated on a new book, "It's Your Move: Dealing Yourself the Best Cards in Life and Work," which came out last month (Financial Times Prentice Hall).

Maxey's specialty is communication. "Talk with everyone," she says. Fight the temptation to show up and glue yourself to one or two favorites. "I think we get into ruts with our family, into patterns with who we talk to. Maybe you talk with a certain sister-in-law that you have more in common with."

She suggests you go over to Uncle Joe and say, 'You know I haven't asked you lately, how is your golf going?' Or you could just say, 'I haven't talked to you in a long time, let's get caught up.'

Sometimes before you can make good conversation, you have to make an attitude adjustment, she says, "because we approach a holiday like Thanksgiving with so many past experiences."

Put away your baggage and walk in the door wearing a smile. "So much of how we present ourselves is nonverbal, what we have on and our expression."

Establishing a comfort zone

"Wear something you feel good in. Wear a piece of jewelry that someone around the table gave you. What you're wearing could also be a topic of conversation."

If you're a guest who knows only the host, the simplest way to start a conversation is to ask other people how they know the hosts, Maxey says. Their answer will suggest a follow-up question.

Thanksgiving is actually easier than some other social occasions because there are a lot of natural conversation starters. How do you normally fix your turkey? How did you spend Thanksgiving growing up? What's that thing floating in the gravy?

"Be aware of current events. If you are going to meet people you don't know, brush up on the newspaper." She says you could make a mental list of maybe three things you could comment on.

Stay away from these two

But she says it's a good idea to heed the adage that you should avoid politics and religion. "Unless you have really close friends, it's hard to get involved in those conversations without having something erupt."

Hey, how 'bout those M's?

It seems awfully simple, but it isn't always. Most people are introverts, and many of us don't get as much conversation practice as we used to.

There was a story the other day about how often we interact with machines rather than people during our daily business. There are ATMs instead of tellers, airline-ticket kiosks instead of clerks, machines at the grocery store where there used to be checkers.

Need information? We just visit the Internet. Remember the library?

Bremer's specialty is polishing images, and she says etiquette is important to our holiday interactions.

The host or hostess should orchestrate introductions, which should include a little information about each person to provide catalysts for conversation.

Knowing dining etiquette will help put you at ease. For instance, everything should be passed to your right.

"You are in charge of your own place settings and you are in charge of the real estate in front of you. If the butter or salt is in front of you, you are responsible for passing it around so people won't have to yell across the table."

Tips for interacting

When other people are talking, don't interrupt. People find that very irritating, she says. Try to maintain graciousness and good humor if people begin to bug you.

And perhaps the most important bit of advice is about small talk. "People are afraid of social gatherings because they are afraid of small talk," Bremer says. "The trick to small talk, the secret, is that everyone's favorite subject is themselves."

The key to success is not talking but listening. "Be more interested than interesting," she says, and you will be remembered as a brilliant conversationalist.

Ask good questions then let your mouth deal with turkey, while your ears socialize.

Jerry Large: 206-464-3346 or jlarge@seattletimes.com. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists.